2016 // a year of restoration

2016 will be a year of restoration. A year to mend broken relationships, a year to rekindle my love for God, and a year to discover who I am. 2016 is a year to rebuild. Looking back on last year and what I had accomplished, I realized that there was nothing. I asked God in the second half of the year to break me down and humble me and I realized that I had never taken my obstacles or hardships as Him doing so. Every hardship I went through, I was angry - angry with the world, angry at myself, and angry at Him. I hated life and I hated every second of the day. I realized I was unhappy. I wasn't satisfied with where I was, and I was constantly searching for other alternatives to fulfill this temporary happiness. 2015 was a year of jealousy. Everyone seemed content. Everyone had it all together. But I was here, alone. I was upset at myself - that I wasn't them... that I was lacking and ugly. I remember trying so hard to fit in and be loved. I wanted as many friends as I could, pushing those that were "irrelevant" away and squeezing myself in to these awkward friendships. In 2015, I realized how vulnerable I was. 2016 will be a year to accept this. Taking on a new job as a pharmacy technician, I learned more about myself. I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I can't balance school, work, friends, and faith as well as I imagined. And so, my best decision was to cut my faith - to turn away from God and focus on the selfish worldly things of my life. I wanted money, I wanted experience. Pharmacy was my all and soon enough, I was working weekend shifts. I couldn't go to church and I used my scary boss as an excuse not to change my work hours. I naturally drifted away from God and didn't go to Sunday service at all starting August. I was angry and frustrated, constantly stressed. However, this is what I asked for. I asked Him to break me down. I asked God to humble me, but I wasn't taking it the way I should. Instead I made it a better reason to go out, to drink and smoke with bad influences. I remember talking to an unni about this, and she told me that I was unhappy because I wasn't spiritually well. Duh. Let go of your pride, Minjung. Open your eyes and you'll see what you're missing. I struggled with my faith the most in 2015. And because of it, I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted, and I realized I was living for my parents. 2016, I want to restore this. I want to focus on just me and God. Through Him, I want to mend all the relationships with people I pushed away, discover what my passion is, and become a better person.